At coffee with a couple of my friends this week the topic turned to marriage, how difficult it can be at times, and what it really means to love your wife.
One of the guys shared with me that he relates his relationship with God to his relationship with his wife, and I thought it was really good, so I put a little more meat on the bones.
If I am “In Christ”, I can;
Always feel secure in His love.
38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
Always feel valued by Him.
18 knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. 1 Peter 1:18-19
Always feel He is for me.
And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:30-32
The relationship between husband and wife can and should look similar. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, with all those implications (Ephesians 5:25-30). Marriage is part of the sanctification process (verse 26). The end goal is not a marriage full of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. It’s transformation into the image of Christ. It’s only as we “grow in the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18), by denying myself and taking up my cross daily (Luke 9:23) can my relationship with my wife be all that God means it to be.Â
Our wives need to feel secure in our love, valued by us, and know that we are for them, no matter what. That is how our wives feel loved. So the questions we have to ask ourselves is; “Am I making sure I let her know these things by my words, attitudes and actions? How can I do it better? How can I take a step in that direction today?”
As Nancy and I talked about this, we agreed that husbands need the same from our wives. We want to know they love us, value us for who we are, and know that they are on our side, come thick or thin. I think that is how husbands feel respected. (Ephesians 5:33)
When these attitudes and affections toward each other aren’t present, things can get pretty nasty.
Too often we wait for the other person to “change”, but we can’t control what the other person does, we can only control what we do.
What would our marriages look like if each of us tried to “outdo one another in showing honor”? (Romans 12:10)
It starts with you. Don’t wait.
